An Angel's Account
by Darkiise
Summary: A short story of Angel recounting Buffys past relationship including his own thoughts.


**A/N- I do not own any of the characters I shall be using in this story. I am basically re-telling Buffy Summers relationships in short paragraphs from Angel's point of view. I have added my own extra part of the storyline to explain how Angel knows everything. Hope you like. **

…

I've hurt her in the past so many times. Not Angelus… me. I'm the one person she shouldn't be afraid of, hurt by. I moved away to stop the pain, the sadness, the frustration but it only made matters worse, for the both of us. I'm sure she hated me for moving away for a good long while. Her relationships always ended badly. She couldn't find love for anyone properly since she was with me. But she tried.

First there was Parker. He screwed around with her from the beginning, not that she knew that. He played with her feelings. She was deceived, toyed with, and broken yet again. I believe this was the time in her life when she decided not to trust men at all, apart from Giles, Xander and Oz.

Next came Riley. He seemed like a stable, normal guy who would be able to treat Buffy right. I thought that he would restore her faith that there are decent guys out there who don't lie and fool around with other people's feelings. But Buffy and I were both wrong for the second time. It seemed that Riley wasn't who we thought he was at all. He had been unknowingly influenced by drugged food by someone he thought he trusted. This then resulted in a fractured relationship which threatened her happiness… again. Fortunately everything was restored and they went on with their lives. At this point we all thought that nothing else could go wrong and that Buffy would get the happy-ever-after ending that she had always been searching for.

She shut down, closed herself off from Riley. He couldn't deal with that which made him break down. He searched for the need of female attention elsewhere. Unfortunately he got that attention from vampires. Never a good thing. Buffy would have never known about what was going on if it wasn't for Spike (the bastard thorn in my side). That was the night that she and Riley became lost from each other.

One evening my friends and I returned to the hotel that was out headquarters. We were in a rather cheerful mood and were planning on celebrations. As we entered the lobby I noticed Willow was there, with a rather sombre expression. She sat me down and told me that Buffy had died saving Dawn, and the world. My whole existence fell apart at that very moment. The one person that I had ever truly loved was now gone, lost from me forever. I could no longer hold her in my arms, kiss her beautiful lips and tell her that I love her.

…

Sometime later I received a phone call that Buffy was alive again, all thanks to Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya. I met up with Buffy. We talked, we kissed and we didn't make things uncomfortable for each other. There isn't much to be said on that conversation. It was private. I thought that now she would be able to start all over again on the love life journey, that she would be able to maintain a perfectly healthy relationship. Oh how so wrong I was.

For some crazy reason she turned to Spike. He wanted her so desperately that the instant she showed him any attention he would take hold and never want to let go. Her mistake was sleeping with him because that caused his fucked up brain to re-wire and plan a whole new life strategy based around Buffy. She kept on going back to him even when she didn't want to because she felt too ashamed that she couldn't tell her friends. Even when she broke it off she went back after a matter of weeks. When everyone found out about them she felt relieved that she didn't need to hide it any more. She also felt like she no longer needed to see him, meaning she could now get on with her life. Spike, not realising what he was actually doing, went to convince Buffy to get back with him but when she refused he tried raping her.

Feeling so torn up with what he had done Spike left Sunnydale. He took part in a number of trials to which the reward was his soul. I can't believe that he thought that getting his soul back would impress Buffy so much that she'd be with him again. I would say "I can't believe that he's that stupid!" but I do believe that Spike is that stupid.

The first evil (the one who tried to make me kill Buffy on Christmas Eve, 1998) was waging a war against the Slayer line. I asked Buffy if there was anything I could do but she insisted on me staying out of it because she feared that I would be killed. This reminded me of one of the reasons why I fell in love with her. She always looks out for those she cares about. One day I received a rather strange amulet from an unknown sender. It was my excuse to visit Sunnydale and help in the war. I found Buffy battling a power-crazed preacher which she successfully killed. We ended up kissing with such intense passion that it made me forget the reason why I came to visit her. I noticed a foreign scent on her clothing but didn't question it as I wasn't sure what it was. I told her about the amulet and that I would say to fight side-by-side with her. She refused, which I saw coming.

We left the crypt and I remembered what the scent was. Spike. I raised the topic with her and she suddenly turned quite defensive. In her voice I could hear an undertone of shame and desperation. I left her with the amulet in silence.

Just like I knew she would she defeated the army of the first and sent them all to hell. Sunnydale was no more and there were very few casualties. She saved the world. My love for her grew even more which I didn't know it could. My lover, my slayer, my girl. Before Buffy headed out to Italy with Dawn she came to LA to see me for a few days. We talked about both our lives, starting from when I left after we killed the mayor in 1999. Naturally she was shocked when she found out that I had a grown up son with Darla. I could tell she was hurt but I didn't bring up anything about it. I knew it would be better if I just let it be. Instead I kissed her which took our minds off everything. The kiss intensified and caused us to move from the sofa to the bed. At that moment in time I was willing to lose my soul just to be with her again.

We stopped each other before any real damage was done. That night we lay on my bed, holding each other, just being calm and content. We were so close yet so far apart. I really do hope that the next chapter in Buffy's life will bring her the normal life she has always wanted and a man who will take care of her till the end of her days.

…Angel…


End file.
